Selected Works
Hear Ye! Hear Ye! I’m Leaving the Industry
Rejected Animal Crossing Villagers
A Standup Comedian Does A Tight Five in George Orwell’s “1984”
New LinkedIn Features (To Make You Feel Bad About Your Career Decisions)
Hello, I’d Like To Network At You
If I Went To Law School, According To My Mom
A Pundit’s Absolutely Accurate 2020 Election Predictions
What’s Hidden At The Bottom Of Your CVS Receipt
Iconic Movie Moments Reworked For Corporate America
I Am The Only Person On The Fury Road Who Still Drives A Sensible Car
A Concession Speech By A Candidate Who Just Lost To A Dog Mayor
Holiday Letters From Legends of Greek Mythology
The Myth Of Super Mario By Albert Camus
In The Face Of Evil, We Republicans Must Be Brave, Bold, And Completely Neutral
A.P. Style Guidelines For Viral Tweets
Revolutionary Quotes From Centrist History
In Defense of Our College's Mascot, Sir Racist Von Genocide
‘Super Mario Bros 3’ Sun Not Angry, Just Disappointed
Timmy and Tommy Nook Arrested for Insider Trading After Selling Turnips to Each Other
The Grinch Shouldn’t Be Prosecuted In The Court of Public Opinion
New Tracks Dropped By Kremlin-Approved Rappers
Why Your Cat Has Economic Anxiety
I Believe In the Rehabilitation of The Child I’m Asking You To Sentence To Life Without Parole
A Class-Action Lawsuit Against Wayne Enterprises
Completely and Entirely Original Ideas For A Podcast I Just Thought Of
Zillow Listings From An Orwellian Nightmare
New York Times Film Critic A.O. Scott Reviews My Instagram Stories
Racism Is Still Going To Die Out, Right?
I’m A Plastic Straw. I Get It But Don’t We Have Bigger Problems?
His College Newspaper (WOW!)