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Selected Works

The New Yorker

A Pundit’s Absolutely Accurate 2020 Election Predictions

What’s Hidden At The Bottom Of Your CVS Receipt

Iconic Movie Moments Reworked For Corporate America

McSweeney's Internet Tendency

In The Face Of Evil, We Republicans Must Be Brave, Bold, And Completely Neutral

A.P. Style Guidelines For Viral Tweets

To Stop Trump in 2020, Democrats Have To Stop Infighting and Unite Behind Crabby, The Giant Man-Eating Crab

Job Hunt: The Board Game

Revolutionary Quotes From Centrist History

Our Magazine Is Dedicated To Covering Race, Sexuality, And Gender Inequality By Profiling Anyone Who Is Unaffected By Those Issues

In Defense of Our College's Mascot, Sir Racist Von Genocide

I’m Friday The 13th’s Jason Voorhees. I’ve Been Reading Feminist Theory And Won’t Be Killing Any Over-sexualized Teenagers This Summer

Points In Case

With These Latest Mass Shootings, We Condemn The Violent Influence of Princess Zelda, Donkey Kong, And Super Mario

New Tracks Dropped By Kremlin-Approved Rappers

Why Your Cat Has Economic Anxiety

I Believe In the Rehabilitation of The Child I’m Asking You To Sentence To Life Without Parole

Weekly Humorist

A Class-Action Lawsuit Against Wayne Enterprises

Robot Butt

Completely and Entirely Original Ideas For A Podcast I Just Thought Of

Zillow Listings From An Orwellian Nightmare

Little Old Lady Comedy

New York Times Film Critic A.O. Scott Reviews My Instagram Stories

How To Get Over A Break-Up

Racism Is Still Going To Die Out, Right?

I’m A Plastic Straw. I Get It But Don’t We Have Bigger Problems?

His College Newspaper (WOW!)